Thursday, November 29, 2007

Fun

For some fun, check out the Reviews of New Food on the McSweeny's website. I think the best, most hilarious one is this:

Giant Caper
Submitted by Kate Taylor

It came to me cool on a bed of pink smoked fish, part of my lox plate for breakfast at a local café. Oblong and grapey with a sure, healthy stem, the giant caper instantly won my heart. Oh! Caper! I see you have a robust and more manageable side. Quelle surprise.
Perhaps I should have cut it up—maybe distribute some slices of caper on the cream cheese, for example. But its skin made me think of a beautiful little dinosaur, and I was occupied waving it around in my boyfriend's face saying, "Giant caper, giant caper! G.C.!" as he tried to dodge it, saying "gross" and "stop." I ate the whole thing at once.
The feeling in my mouth was like a tidal wave of saliva rushing, not forth, but back, to the depths of my spit glands. It's possible that saliva really was pouring into my mouth to counter the immense saltiness of the caper, but it ended up being like that feeling where you touch water so hot you think it's cold.
I coughed once, loudly, and my eyes filled with tears. Cinnamon roll, grits, coffee, water: a bit of each was taken. Two G.C.'s remained on my plate, looking somewhat obscene. I tucked them beneath a spare piece of spring mix.

1 comment:

_ said...

"A bit of each was taken."

That's pretty much my intellectual project right there, albeit put to better use than I'll ever make of it.

-Matthew